Hello all –thanks Ingrid, for letting me use some space in your blog J
I met with representatives of mentoring programs serving Minnesota, North Dakota and Wisconsin. Among many topics, our discussion included the question of how to tell when a child or teen is ready and able to form a meaningful mentor relationship.
It has been my experience that a child or teen who has faced violence or abuse, who has a physical or mental health diagnosis, developmental or cognitive disorder, or who has been bullied or faced lots of life changes can certainly connect with and benefit greatly from a mentor match. How the child and the child’s family have worked with the issue is important. Timing is also important. The issue may be current, ongoing, recent or have occurred years ago. Sometimes it is appropriate to suggest the parent or guardian seek therapy or medical support to help their child address issues before they are ready to begin a mentor relationship. This can be difficult because the child may really want a mentor - now.
Communication with the child and the family is critical. Listening to the family’s and child’s needs opens the door. We all have the same goal of supporting the child. As we get to know families and the child who is seeking a mentor, carefully thought out questions help us gather important information. Learning the background and current circumstances is helpful. Traditional, information-seeking questions are great (i.e. does your child have a diagnosis, why does your child need a mentor). Asking a child what they could teach someone might reveal a lot about interests, self-esteem, and creativity. Asking a child who their friends are and what they do with their friends can let us know if they have similar-aged friends, if they make good choices in those friends, and if the activities are constructive or dangerous. We learn if forming friendships is easy or difficult for them and if they have a few or many friends and if friends are near their home or mostly at school. Asking about favorite activities or what they would like to learn to do, also results in useful information about that child. Kids usually love to share about themselves and the right questions can give us a good picture.
If a child is occupied by an issue in their life that has not been addressed, it may not be the time to start a new relationship. If a family or child is not addressing physical or mental health diagnosis or other life challenges, it is difficult to get a mentor relationship started in a healthy way. Fortunately most mentor programs are very involved in the community and can help families get connected with appropriate resources.
We know that long term mentoring is most beneficial (Child Trends, Public Private Ventures, Search Institute, and others have published support research) and a long term relationship begins with a solid foundation. This is why it is crucial that a child or teen is ready and able to form a meaningful relationship before they are matched with their mentor.
Mentors need to be ready also – but that topic is another day, another blog.
- Rita Younger, Program Coordinator - Kids 'n Kinship
